Find Your Own Footing

This activity has two parts: first, you’ll map the people affected by your choice; then you’ll turn that map into a specific request. Avoid writing “I need more support.” That’s a feeling, not yet a request. A useful request tells someone what you need, when you need it, and what you’ll still handle yourself.

Your Turn

1. Write the burden in one sentence. Name the decision or task, not your whole life story. The burden I’m carrying is: _______________________________

2. Draw four boxes or make four headings: - Me - People directly affected - People who could help - What happens if nothing changes

3. Under Me, list the practical and personal effects. Include time, energy, money, health, focus, or trust. Write at least three effects.

4. Under People directly affected, name the people who may experience the results of your choice. Include people who depend on you and people who may have to respond if you struggle.

5. Under People who could help, list two or three possible helpers. Add what each person could realistically do. Don’t assign them a job they haven’t agreed to do.

6. Under What happens if nothing changes, write the earliest likely warning sign and the more serious consequence. Use the source image as a guide: a warning sign might be pain or exhaustion; the serious consequence might be being stopped from participating.

7. Circle one helper who is close enough, trustworthy enough, and able to respond within the next seven days.

8. Write a request using this structure: “Could you help me with [specific task] on or before [time/date]? I’m still responsible for [my part]. I’m asking because [honest reason].”

9. Check that your request can be answered with “yes,” “no,” or a reasonable adjustment. If the person would need to guess what you mean, make it more specific.

10. Send the request, say it aloud, or schedule the conversation. Record which one you did and the date.

> Worked example > The burden: I’m trying to attend evening training while covering two late shifts this week. > Me: I’m sleeping five hours, rushing meals, and losing focus during training. > People directly affected: My manager needs the shift covered; my teammate is waiting for me to confirm training plans. > People who could help: My coworker could swap Thursday; my coach could help me choose the one training session that matters most. > If nothing changes: I’ll probably miss training or arrive exhausted. If I keep pushing, I may get hurt or be removed from the session. > Request: “Could you swap my Thursday closing shift for my Saturday morning shift? I can confirm it with the manager today. I’ll still cover my part this week. I’m asking because the current schedule is leaving me too worn out to train safely.”

What good looks like

• You named one burden, not ten connected problems. - You listed at least three effects on yourself. - You identified at least two people affected by the choice. - You matched each possible helper with a realistic form of help. - You named an early warning sign and a serious consequence. - Your request includes a task and a time. - You stated what remains your responsibility. - You delivered, scheduled, or sent the request. - You recorded the person’s response without treating “no” as proof that asking was wrong.

A request can be honest without being dramatic. You don’t have to show up with a bloodstained pointe shoe before your situation counts.

Adjusting the Request for Real-Life Situations

Not every burden works the same way. Sometimes you need hands-on help. Sometimes you need information, a boundary, or permission to change the plan. Use the variation that fits the situation instead of forcing every problem into the same script.

• When the task is too heavy: Ask someone to take one defined piece. This works for moving equipment, covering a shift, sharing childcare, or handling a practical errand. Name the exact piece and the deadline. Example: “Could you carry the storage boxes from the car to the studio by 6 p.m.? I’ll label and put them away.”

• When the decision affects a group: Ask for a short planning conversation before you commit. This is useful when teammates, family members, or coworkers will have to absorb the result. Bring your map and ask each person what they can and cannot take on. Example: “Before I agree to both events, can we spend fifteen minutes deciding what coverage is actually possible?”

• When trust makes asking feel dangerous: Start with a smaller request and set a clear limit. Lina’s fear that she trusts Amélie too much points to a real concern: help can feel like surrender. A small request lets you test whether the other person respects your boundaries. Example: “Could you review this plan with me for ten minutes? I’m not asking you to decide for me.”

• When a crisis has already started: Stop adding new commitments. Name the immediate risk, contact the person with authority, and ask for a temporary change. If pain, injury, or safety is involved, seek appropriate professional help rather than trying to prove toughness. Example: “I’m not able to rehearse safely today. What is the correct process for stopping and arranging support?”

Use the map again when the first request changes the situation. A helper may say no. Another person may become affected. The point isn’t to create a perfect support system in one conversation. It’s to keep the burden visible while you make the next responsible choice.

Apply It

Choose one variation above. Write the opening sentence you’ll use:

My situation fits: ___________________________________________

My opening sentence: ________________________________________

The boundary I need to keep: _________________________________

The part I will still handle: _________________________________

Check Whether Help Has Become Part of the Plan

Progress here isn’t measured by how many people you can recruit. It’s measured by whether you notice the load sooner, ask clearly, and make choices with the people affected instead of surprising them with the aftermath.

Answer each question in two or three lines. Be concrete. Name a person, task, date, or warning sign whenever possible.

Reflect

1. What burden am I carrying alone, and what is the earliest sign that it is becoming unsafe or unsustainable? ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ________________________________________________

2. Who is affected by my current choice, and what might they need to know before I continue? ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ________________________________________________

3. What specific help would reduce the load without handing over my whole decision? ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ________________________________________________

4. What request will I make, to whom, and by what date? ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ________________________________________________

5. If the person says no, what is my next safe and honest option? ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ________________________________________________

Success check

• I can name the burden in one sentence. - I can identify at least two people affected by it. - I can name an early warning sign before the crisis point. - I wrote a request with a clear action and deadline. - I know what remains my responsibility. - I have a backup option if the first person cannot help. - I have taken one observable step: sent the message, made the call, scheduled the conversation, or asked in person.

You’re still responsible for your footing. That doesn’t mean you must carry every weight alone. Sometimes trust begins with letting someone carry one clearly named thing - and staying honest about what happens next.

End of chapter five. 2 more chapters and about 9,090 words in the full book.