Notes From The Group Chat

The wedding is not happening anymore, for anyone who has muted this chat and is now finding out through the salad.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 8:52 AM]

That was a joke.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 8:53 AM]

The salad is not connected to the wedding.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 8:54 AM]

The wedding is connected to the wedding.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 8:56 AM]

I am fine.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 9:02 AM]

I am going to send a normal message now.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 9:03 AM]

Hi.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 9:04 AM]

That felt horrible.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 9:07 AM]

I have been in the grocery store for twenty minutes holding a lemon and trying to remember whether I came here for lemons.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 9:08 AM]

If you are there, say something.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 9:09 AM]

Not “say something” in the dramatic sense.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 9:10 AM]

Although, honestly, both senses are available.

[Work - 2019-04-03 9:18 AM]

The coffee machine has stopped making the noise.

[Work - 2019-04-03 9:19 AM]

This is worse.

[Work - 2019-04-03 9:20 AM]

It has entered a silent phase.

[Work - 2019-04-03 9:22 AM]

If anyone from IT is reading this, please know I have used the phrase “silent phase” in an email.

[Family - 2019-04-03 9:31 AM]

I am at work.

[Family - 2019-04-03 9:32 AM]

I am not physically at work.

[Family - 2019-04-03 9:33 AM]

I mean I am working.

[Family - 2019-04-03 9:34 AM]

This is why group chats are dangerous.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 9:46 AM]

Can someone tell me if I need to return the cake stand.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 9:47 AM]

The cake stand is technically mine.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 9:48 AM]

But it was purchased for the wedding.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 9:49 AM]

Which is not happening.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 9:50 AM]

I am not asking about the wedding.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 9:51 AM]

I am asking about the cake stand.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 10:02 AM]

The lemon is still in my hand.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 10:04 AM]

I have moved to produce.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 10:05 AM]

There is a child here eating a banana with the concentration of a surgeon.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 10:06 AM]

I respect him.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 10:08 AM]

I would like to know if you are alive.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 10:09 AM]

You do not have to explain anything.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 10:10 AM]

You can send a period.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 10:11 AM]

You can send the lemon emoji.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 10:12 AM]

Actually do not send the lemon emoji because then I will have to interpret it.

[Work - 2019-04-03 10:24 AM]

The coffee machine has restarted.

[Work - 2019-04-03 10:25 AM]

I am documenting this in case it becomes relevant.

[Family - 2019-04-03 10:41 AM]

I have sent three messages and nobody has reacted to any of them.

[Family - 2019-04-03 10:42 AM]

This is not a complaint.

[Family - 2019-04-03 10:43 AM]

It is a data point.

[Family - 2019-04-03 10:45 AM]

The blue folder was in the blue drawer.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 11:02 AM]

I am going to make a list because lists are calming.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 11:03 AM]

Return cake stand.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 11:04 AM]

Cancel florist.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 11:05 AM]

Tell people not to come to the wedding.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 11:06 AM]

Stop saying “the wedding” like it is a weather event.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 11:07 AM]

Find out who has the deposit.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 11:08 AM]

Find out whether the cake stand is emotionally implicated.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 11:19 AM]

I am back in the aisle with the lemons.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 11:20 AM]

This feels like a failure of character.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 11:22 AM]

I have decided to buy the lemon.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 11:23 AM]

If you are not answering because you are mad at me, I accept that.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 11:24 AM]

If you are not answering because you are busy, I accept that.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 11:25 AM]

If you are not answering because you have become a person who no longer uses group chats, I reject that.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 11:26 AM]

People do not get to leave the group chat without an exit interview.

[Work - 2019-04-03 11:38 AM]

I have been asked to stop sending coffee machine updates.

[Work - 2019-04-03 11:39 AM]

I have said understood.

[Work - 2019-04-03 11:40 AM]

I have not understood.

[Family - 2019-04-03 12:01 PM]

Lunch is soup.

[Family - 2019-04-03 12:02 PM]

Nobody needs to respond to this.

[Family - 2019-04-03 12:03 PM]

I would appreciate a response to this.

[Family - 2019-04-03 12:04 PM]

Not because soup is urgent.

[Family - 2019-04-03 12:05 PM]

Because the silence is beginning to feel organized.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 12:17 PM]

I have returned the cake stand.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 12:18 PM]

The woman at the counter asked if I wanted store credit.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 12:19 PM]

I said no.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 12:20 PM]

This is the first decision I have made all day that nobody can reverse.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 12:31 PM]

The lemon is in my bag.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 12:32 PM]

I am leaving the store.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 12:33 PM]

I am going to send one more message and then I am going to stop.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 12:34 PM]

I am not going to stop.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 12:35 PM]

I am going to send one message that is not funny.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 12:36 PM]

Are you okay?

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 12:37 PM]

I am asking because I love you and because I am not good at waiting.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 12:38 PM]

Please answer something.

[Work - 2019-04-03 1:04 PM]

I have deleted the coffee machine message.

[Work - 2019-04-03 1:05 PM]

It is still visible in my notification history.

[Family - 2019-04-03 1:16 PM]

I am going to take a nap.

[Family - 2019-04-03 1:17 PM]

If anyone needs me, I will be asleep.

[Family - 2019-04-03 1:18 PM]

If anyone does not need me, I will also be asleep.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 1:42 PM]

I have made a second list.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 1:43 PM]

Things that are still here:

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 1:44 PM]

The dress.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 1:45 PM]

The invitations.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 1:46 PM]

The group chat.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 1:47 PM]

Me.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 2:03 PM]

I am home.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 2:04 PM]

The lemon is on the counter.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 2:05 PM]

I am putting my phone down.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 2:06 PM]

I am picking my phone up.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 2:07 PM]

This is embarrassing for both of us, although only one of us is currently participating.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 2:09 PM]

I miss you.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 2:10 PM]

That is all.

[Work - 2019-04-03 2:22 PM]

The coffee machine is making the noise again.

[Work - 2019-04-03 2:23 PM]

I have decided not to report it.

[Family - 2019-04-03 2:48 PM]

I woke up.

[Family - 2019-04-03 2:49 PM]

No new messages.

[Family - 2019-04-03 2:50 PM]

This is becoming a hostile environment.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 3:11 PM]

I am going to do something normal now.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 3:12 PM]

I am going to send one word.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 3:13 PM]

back

[Work - 2019-04-03 3:14 PM]

back

[Family - 2019-04-03 3:15 PM]

back

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 3:16 PM]

back

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 3:17 PM]

I am here.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 3:18 PM]

I think.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 3:19 PM]

I am going to leave the lemon on the counter.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 3:21 PM]

The dress is still here.

[Work - 2019-04-03 3:22 PM]

The coffee machine is still here.

[Family - 2019-04-03 3:23 PM]

The blue folder is still in the blue drawer.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 3:24 PM]

I am still typing.

[College/Wedding/Divorce - 2019-04-03 3:25 PM]

I am still typing.

[Work - 2019-04-03 3:26 PM]

I am still typing.

[Family - 2019-04-03 3:27 PM]

I am still typing.

[Brooke - 2019-04-03 3:28 PM]

back.

End of chapter one. 35 more chapters in the full book.