Finding Calm Behind The Wheel

You can pause if your anxiety rises sharply. Keep both feet on the floor, look around, and name five things you can see. Then continue only when you feel steady enough.

Your Turn

1. Draw a horizontal line across two pages. Mark the left side First driving memory and the right side Today. 2. Add five to ten points along the line. Include driving lessons, your first solo drive, difficult trips, accidents, near misses, panic episodes, criticism, avoidance, or periods when you stopped driving. 3. Write an approximate date or life stage beside each point. Use “around 2018,” “high school,” or “after moving” if you don’t know the exact date. 4. For every event, complete the four-part record below: - Event: What happened? - Impact: What did you feel in your body and emotions? - Change: What did you start doing differently? - Meaning: What conclusion did your mind draw? 5. Rate the event’s immediate distress from 0 to 10. Use 0 for no distress and 10 for the strongest distress you remember. 6. Circle any event that still affects your driving today. Put a star beside the event that seems to have started the pattern or made it noticeably worse. 7. Review the timeline and write one sentence beginning with: “My anxiety began to build when…” 8. Count your entries. You’re finished when you have at least five events, an impact rating for each, and one beginning sentence.

Here’s a completed example:

> Around age 17 - First solo drive on a busy road > Event: I missed a turn, heard several horns, and pulled into a parking lot. > Impact: My hands shook, my face felt hot, and I felt embarrassed. Distress: 7/10. > Change: I avoided busy roads and asked someone to ride with me. > Meaning: “If I make one mistake, other drivers will attack me.” > Still affects me? Yes. > My anxiety began to build when… I started believing that small mistakes made driving unsafe.

Notice that the example doesn’t label the driver as “bad.” It records what happened and what the mind learned. That difference matters. A timeline is information, not a courtroom.

Your Turn: Timeline Record

Copy this record for each event:

Approximate date or life stage: __________________________________________

What happened? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

What did I notice in my body or emotions? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

What changed in my driving afterward? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

What did I begin to believe? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

Distress rating, 0-10: ______

Does this still affect me? Yes / No

After completing your entries, compare the distress ratings. A later event may have a lower rating but still matter because it reinforced an older fear. For example, a missed exit might feel like a 4/10 on its own, yet strengthen a long-standing belief that you can’t recover from mistakes.

Use the Timeline in Everyday Driving

Your timeline becomes useful when you connect it to current situations. Before a planned trip, check whether the route resembles an earlier event. A crowded highway may bring back the pressure of a past near miss. Driving with a critical passenger may reactivate memories of harsh instruction. Night driving may connect to an earlier experience of poor visibility.

When you notice this connection, name it plainly: “This road is reminding me of the event from 2019.” Then separate the past from the present. Ask yourself what is the same and what is different. Perhaps the road is busy, but you now have more practice, better route information, and the option to pull over safely. The expected outcome isn’t instant calm. It’s a more accurate picture of the situation.

Use the timeline after a difficult trip, too. Suppose you felt panicky while merging but completed the merge safely. Add the event as a present-day entry. Record both the fear and the result. This prevents your memory from keeping only the scary part. Over time, you’ll collect evidence that anxiety can rise and fall without deciding what happens next.

Apply It

Choose one ordinary trip within the next seven days. Before leaving, write:

Route or driving situation: ______________________________________________

Timeline event this may remind me of: ___________________________________

What is different today? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

Prediction: “I’m afraid that…” __________________________________________________________________

After the trip, record:

What actually happened? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

Distress before, 0-10: ______

Highest distress, 0-10: ______

Distress after, 0-10: ______

What did I do that helped me continue safely? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

You’ve completed this application when you’ve recorded one trip before and after driving, including all three distress ratings. If your prediction was more frightening than the result, mark that entry with a small check. Those checks are evidence worth keeping.

For example, you might predict, “If traffic slows suddenly, I’ll panic and lose control.” During the trip, traffic may slow, your heart may race to 6/10, and you may safely reduce speed and continue. The result doesn’t prove that driving will always feel easy. It shows that a feared feeling can occur without the feared outcome.

Reflect on What Your Timeline Reveals

Look for clusters rather than one perfect explanation. Do several events involve being judged? Do they happen mostly on highways, in bad weather, at night, or when you’re alone? Did anxiety increase after a long break from driving? A repeated setting or belief can point to the part of the pattern that deserves attention first.

Also notice protective choices that became restrictive. Asking for a passenger may have helped after a frightening event. Avoiding all unfamiliar roads may have reduced anxiety in the short term. The timeline lets you see both sides: what helped you cope then and what may be keeping the fear active now.

Answer each question in two or three lines. Be specific. Use an event, date, rating, or driving situation in your response.

Which event has the highest distress rating, and what belief about driving did you connect to it? ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ________________________________________________

What driving behavior changed after your anxiety began building - such as avoiding highways, limiting distance, or needing a passenger? ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ________________________________________________

Which present-day situation most closely matches an earlier timeline event, and what small, safe step could help you gather new evidence? ________________________________________________ ______________________________________________ ________________________________________________

Keep your completed timeline where you can find it. It isn’t a record of everything that went wrong. It’s a map of how your fear learned its route - and where you can begin creating a different one.

End of chapter one. 4 more chapters and about 7,279 words in the full book.