Jealousy Management Workbook

You’ll do one clean mapping pass first. Then you’ll repeat it once more with a different trigger so you can see patterns.

Step-by-step instructions

1. Pick one jealousy moment from the last 2 weeks. Choose one that still feels “hot,” but not so intense you can’t think straight. 2. Write the trigger in plain language (no mind-reading). Use this exact prompt format: - Trigger: “When ______ happened / I saw ____ / I heard ____…” 3. Add timing using a number: - Time from trigger to jealousy: ____ minutes 4. List early warning signs. Fill in at least 2 body signs and 2 mind signs. Use the prompts below so you don’t overthink it: - Body signs I noticed first: (pick 2) tight chest / stomach drop / heat in face / jaw clench / restless legs / breath changes / headache / other: ____ - Mind signs I noticed first: (pick 2) racing thoughts / comparing / “they don’t care” thoughts / scanning for proof / urge to check / doom prediction / other: ____ 5. Write the story your brain told in one or two sentences. Start with “It means…” - Story: “It means ____.” 6. Record your next move. What did you do within the first 10 minutes after the jealousy hit? - What I did: ____ 7. Rate the intensity twice so you can see the arc: - Jealousy intensity at peak: 0-10 = ____ - Jealousy intensity after 30 minutes (or later): 0-10 = ____ 8. Name the trigger type using one label from below (just one is fine): - Comparison (someone else gets something you want) - Uncertainty (you don’t know where you stand) - Attention shift (their focus moved elsewhere) - Boundary breach (something feels too close/too personal) - Respect threat (you feel dismissed, ignored, or minimized) - Other: ______ 9. Your Turn (quick check): circle the earliest early warning sign you wrote. That’s your “spark point” for next time.

Completed example (so you can copy the vibe)

> Trigger: “When my partner posted a photo with a friend and tagged them, and I noticed I wasn’t tagged.” > Time from trigger to jealousy: 3 minutes > Early warning signs: > - Body: stomach drop, jaw clench > - Mind: comparing, urge to check who they tagged > Story: “It means they’re closer with them than with me, and I don’t matter.” > What I did: I opened Instagram again and searched for the post details instead of talking about it. > Intensity: peak 8/10; after 30 minutes 5/10 > Trigger type: Attention shift (and a little Respect threat)

Now do your own map.

Your Turn: Your Jealousy Trigger Map #1

Trigger: When ______________________________________________ What I saw/heard: _______________________________________ Time from trigger to jealousy: ______ minutes

Early warning signs (first ones you noticed): - Body signs (2+): _________________________________________ - Mind signs (2+): _________________________________________

Story your brain told (start with “It means…”): It means _______________________________________________________

What I did within 10 minutes: ______________________________ Jealousy intensity: peak _/10 → after 30 minutes _/10 Trigger type (pick one): Comparison / Uncertainty / Attention shift / Boundary breach / Respect threat / Other: ______

Circle your earliest spark point: __________________________________

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Step 2: Map a second trigger (so your patterns show up)

1. Choose a different jealousy moment (try not to pick the same category). 2. Fill out the same fields quickly. No perfection required - clarity is the goal.

Your Turn: Your Jealousy Trigger Map #2

Trigger: When ______________________________________________ What I saw/heard: _______________________________________ Time from trigger to jealousy: ______ minutes

Early warning signs (first ones you noticed): - Body signs (2+): _________________________________________ - Mind signs (2+): _________________________________________

Story your brain told (start with “It means…”): It means _______________________________________________________

What I did within 10 minutes: ______________________________ Jealousy intensity: peak _/10 → after 30 minutes _/10 Trigger type (pick one): Comparison / Uncertainty / Attention shift / Boundary breach / Respect threat / Other: ______

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Apply It: Use Your Map in Everyday Moments (Before You Escalate)

Once you’ve mapped triggers, you can use the map like an early warning system. Not to shut down your feelings, but to stop the “automatic pilot” part. The goal is: catch the spark point, notice what the story is doing, and choose your next action on purpose.

Here are a few real-life situations that fit this chapter’s mapping work:

• Scenario: Social media tagging. You see a post where you’re not included. If your map says your earliest warning sign is “jaw clench + racing comparisons,” your expected outcome is that you catch it within the first few minutes (instead of scrolling until you’re mad). Your next move could be pausing for 2 minutes and asking one neutral question later: “Hey, I noticed I wasn’t tagged - how did that happen?” - Scenario: A coworker gets praised. If your map shows comparison and the story “I’m not valued,” your expected outcome is you notice the body sign (tight chest, heat in face) before you send a snappy message. Then you redirect: write down what you want (recognition, more responsibility, clearer expectations) instead of acting out of threat. - Scenario: Your gym regular doesn’t show up. If your map shows uncertainty and your mind sign is “doom prediction,” your expected outcome is that you don’t assume the worst instantly. You can check reality first (schedule, personal reasons, next class) before you decide what it “means.”

Apply It rule: when you notice your earliest spark point, don’t debate the story. Label it. That’s the difference between “jealousy is happening” and “jealousy is driving.”

Apply It: What You’ll Do When the Spark Shows Up

Write a short plan using your own map.

Your earliest spark point is: __________________________________ When it happens, my first action will be: _____________________ (Examples: pause for 2 minutes / stop checking / take 5 slow breaths / write one sentence in notes / step away from the phone.)

My “story label” will be: _______________________________________ (Example: “This is my attention shift story,” or “This is my comparison script.”)

Expected outcome: I’ll avoid ______________________________ (measurable behavior) and aim for ______________________________________________ (measurable behavior)

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Reflect: Lock in Your Triggers and Plan Your Next Map

Reflection here isn’t “vibes.” It’s pattern-finding. You’re trying to spot what repeats so you can respond earlier next time.

Your turn to plan smarter responses starts now.

Question 1 Which trigger type showed up in your maps, and what was the earliest early warning sign you circled?

________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

Question 2 What’s one “story sentence” you keep believing (or one variation of it)? Write it exactly as you hear it in your head.

________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

Question 3 If you had to choose only one place to catch yourself sooner - before you check, before you text, or before you withdraw - which would it be, and what would you do instead?

________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

Reflect close: The more specific your trigger and spark point are, the less your jealousy gets to hide behind “I just felt it.” Next chapter work will build on this map so you can pick responses that don’t cost you trust (or your peace).

End of chapter one. 6 more chapters in the full book.