Late-Night Messages, First Love

Mina’s phone screen lit up like a dare in the dark - one new message, no preview, just the name she’d told herself she’d stop checking. Jae. Her thumb hovered so long her wrist started to cramp, and the room smelled like cold ramen and laundry detergent from the hoodie she’d been wearing to feel less alone. Outside her window, the city was doing its usual thing - sirens far away, traffic hush-humming between buildings - but inside her chest it sounded like static.

She didn’t even have to open it to know what kind of risk he was offering. Their nights had been like that lately: late enough that nobody could pretend they were busy, quiet enough that every word landed louder than it should. Mina swallowed, glanced at the clock like it could scold her, and finally tapped.

Jae: you still awake?

Mina stared at the sentence until it blurred. It was such a small question. It didn’t ask for anything. It didn’t confess anything. But her body reacted like it was a hand at the small of her back - heat blooming, nerves tightening, that weird relief that came from not being the only one awake with the same thoughts.

She typed, deleted, typed again. Her brain kept trying to make it casual, like if she acted chill enough the feeling would behave.

Mina: unfortunately, yes.

The reply came fast. Too fast, like he’d been waiting with his phone face-down on his pillow.

Jae: “unfortunately” is rude. i’m trying to be a positive influence.

Mina huffed a laugh that felt illegal in her bedroom. Her neighbors probably heard her. Or maybe it was just her own heartbeat thumping in her ears. She leaned her head back into the pillow and stared at the ceiling fan, watching it blur into circles.

Mina: you’re a menace. positive influence my ass.

Jae: lol. okay. menace it is.

Mina’s mouth softened before she could stop it. The thing was, Jae wasn’t even trying to be charming. He was just… him. Like he’d always been allowed to exist in the same room as other people, and Mina kept forgetting that she didn’t have that permission. Their messages weren’t flirty in a direct way. They were flirty in the pauses between sentences, in how he typed like he was listening even when there was no sound.

She sent a new message before she could talk herself out of it.

Mina: why are you awake?

It took him a minute. Long enough for her to regret asking. Short enough for hope to feel dangerous.

Jae: can’t sleep.

Mina: same.

Jae: that’s not an answer.

Mina rolled her eyes at the ceiling, then typed anyway.

Mina: it’s an answer. you just don’t like it.

Jae: i like it. i just want the real version.

Her stomach tightened. The “real version” had been sitting between them for days - ever since that almost-confession at the campus coffee shop, when Mina had laughed too hard at her own honesty and Jae had gone quiet like he was holding his breath. Mina remembered the way the barista’s milk steamer hissed behind them, the smell of cinnamon and burnt espresso, and how Jae’s thumb had hovered near her phone screen as if he wanted to swipe her words into something safer.

She’d told herself it didn’t mean anything. She’d told herself he was just nice.

But the way he asked things now - like he wanted to understand the parts she tried to hide - made her feel seen in a way that scared her.

Mina: real version is… i’m thinking about dumb stuff.

Jae: dumb stuff as in what?

Mina stared at the message thread. She could keep it light. She could send another joke. She could pretend she wasn’t the kind of person whose brain turned every emotion into an emergency.

Instead, she typed the truth in the smallest possible way.

Mina: i keep replaying stuff. like my brain is a highlight reel and i hate the editor.

Jae: okay. that’s not dumb.

Mina: says the guy who can’t sleep.

Jae: fair. but i’m not replaying my mistakes. i’m replaying you.

Her breath caught so hard it hurt. Mina pressed the heel of her hand to her sternum like she could physically stop her heart from doing that thing. The word you sat there - warm and intimate and dangerous - like a finger pressed to the bruise she’d been pretending wasn’t there.

She didn’t reply for a few seconds, long enough for her mind to start yelling at her. This was why she didn’t do this. This was why she kept her world small. Her life had rules. Her family had expectations. Her scholarship had strings. Her friends had opinions. And Jae - Jae was a whole other category of trouble.

Still, she couldn’t make her fingers stop.

Mina: that’s… not fair.

Jae: i know.

The simplicity of it - i know - made her throat sting. He wasn’t trying to get away with it. He was acknowledging the risk like he understood she wasn’t just being dramatic.

Mina: you should go to sleep then.

Jae: you want me to?

Mina’s laugh came out sharp. She hated how that question made her feel powerful and helpless at the same time.

Mina: i want you to stop making me feel things at 1:13 am.

Jae: i can’t control that.

Mina: sure you can.

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