Fractured Mirror

Imagine firing a bullet into the center of a mirror. You will see the void the bullet made and the small circle surrounding that void the bullet made. The circle has tiny little fractures, then outside the circle you will see the larger fractures. So, when you look into the mirror you see yourself multiple times in the fractures.

The Void the bullet made is you. The circle with the tiny fractures represents your foundation. The large shards are life, each shard represents a piece of your life: trauma, marriage, education, family, childhood, bills, addiction, relationships, and so on.

We all have “Shards” in the closet. Some more, some less, and some are suffering. I am one of those that is suffering. I am writing this at an Alcoholic and Drug rehab center. I am a recovering alcoholic. I am 18 days sober as I write this. I was asked to take a shard and speak about it here in one of the groups. It would mark the first time I have ever spoken about my childhood trauma, especially in front of a group. There was a special woman and teacher there that asked me, and I am forever grateful for the push. By speaking, I began mending my foundation. I felt great and I was on a mental health high.

That small circle with the tiny fractures is your foundation, if you want to change your life you need to lay a new foundation. Need to get rid of the old. Not the wisdom you are gaining, but the potholes, cracks, loose aggregate, and missing foundation. So, remove the old and start fresh with building a new foundation.

How do you say????

Well… with new foundation, I needed a good base. That was me checking into detox and rehab. Luckily for me one of the best rehab centers in Arizona. Now, we have a good base and ready to pour some foundation. Not just any foundation, a foundation with anchors. I have therapist set up after rehab on Thursdays, enrolling in IOP (3) days a week (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday), AA on Tuesdays. Also, the wife is setting us up for some Spanish classes and ill be teaching her chess along with my daughter. So, all the old routines are replaced by productivity and learning. Now, that’s a great foundation if I do say so myself. Looking good hu? Well, to make it stronger we will need some anchors to keep it grounded and for support. For that, I am grateful for my wife of 32 years. What a great anchor she is. She was working hard for me while I was In rehab. My (3) daughters are all behind me. Plus, great friends that are checking up on me.

Now, we have a good-looking foundation, which isn’t going anywhere with those anchors. I still think we need something else to top it off. Well, I have just the thing, need a clear coat of sobriety, and I’ll be sprinkling some love for myself. You got to find that love for yourself for this to work. Something that grips you to that foundation, so you don’t slip and crack the concrete. Love is the binder and strength of your foundation.

The Mirror of My Soul

Imagine firing a bullet into the center of a mirror. The hole, the void-that’s me. The small circle around it, dotted with tiny fractures-that’s my foundation. Those fractures? They’re my childhood trauma, my scars, my wounds. Outside that circle are large shards-life’s pieces: trauma, marriage, education, family, bills, addiction, relationships-a mosaic of experiences imperfectly shattered and scattered.

We all hide “Shards” in our closets. Some more, some less. Some are heavy with suffering. I am one of those who has carried a weight that almost broke me. I am in a place where I never thought I’d be-an alcoholic sitting in an addiction rehab center. But today, I am 18 days sober, and every day sober is a victory.

Today, I took a shard-my first real step-and spoke about my childhood trauma in front of a group. It was terrifying, but it was necessary. It was a moment of healing, of mending my foundation. When I shared, I felt a mental high-a glimpse of clarity that I’d never experienced before.

Your foundation is what sustains you. If you want to change your life, you must lay a new foundation-one that replaces the cracks, potholes, loose gravel, and missing pieces. You must remove the old, the broken, and build anew.

How do you do that?

With a solid base. I checked into detox at a rehab center here in Arizona. First step in building that foundation. We have the mixture, the forms are set, its ready to start pouring. Do we just dump the mixture in the forms????

No!

What do we need more?

YES… we need support, a foundation supported with engrained anchors that holds everything steady.

I’ve set up support systems: therapy sessions, IOP three days a week, AA meetings, and new routines with my wife and daughters-learning Spanish, teaching chess-to replace despair with purpose. Love and learning are the mortar that strengthen my foundation.

But the strongest anchor of all? Love. That’s the binder, the glue, the resilience. My wife of 32 years-my unwavering anchor. My daughters....